Musings

Does My Cat Think Things Are Funny? ♦ July 29, 2024

Does my cat think things are funny? Does she know how to laugh? Has she cracked the mysteries of absurdity? I know she seeks joy and I swear I've seen her smirk. She exsessively purrs when being held. She hugs so tightly. I only wish we could revel in the ecstasy of laughter.

A Change in Form Factor ♦ July 11, 2024

My iphone is dead. Since I got the lightphone, I would throw the iphone on the ground every time I caught myself doomscrolling. I had a real scrolling problem and you can only slam your phone to the floor so many times. My old number is gone. I know I lost some contacts, so feel free to email me your number if you don’t hear from me.

All my life I’ve used Windows on my computers, except the time my friend convinced me to use Ubuntu for a year. I wasn’t prepared for the learning curve and reinstalled Windows 7. I use Windows 10 at home and on October 14th 2025 Microsoft is ending support for the operating system. With no security updates, your computer will be vulnerable to cyber attacks. Eventually software won’t be compatible with 10. The natural progression would be to upgrade to Windows 11.

I use Windows 11 at work and I don’t like it at all. The start menu has ads, the search bar doesn’t search your files, it searches bing for some reason? Copilot is Microsoft’s AI assistant that lurks in the corner on the taskbar. There are other intrusive AI features being integrated with the OS like Recall and Cocreator if you buy a Copilot+ PC. All of this is enough reason for me to seek an alternative operating system. I’m switching to Linux Mint. This is esentilly switching to Ubuntu again considering Mint is based on Ubuntu.

I’m not going to wipe my daily driver gaming laptop to make the switch. I need to ease into learning LinuxI think it’s time for me to change up the form factor. I’m going to run a mini PC workstation. I always said I wouldn’t get a desktop setup because I like the portability of my laptop and it frees my desk for other things. I’ll be able to move a monitor off the desk when I need to. When I was a kid I told myself I wouldn’t have a TV when I grew up, but I caved when I got a PS5. I’m selling the TV, and I’ll run the console through the monitor too.

I rent a room and it’s been a while since I’ve changed it around. Selling off the TV will make space for my musical instruments. My entire life my instruments have been relegated to an unceremonious corner of the room, small amps stacked with a violin and ukulele leaning on them. Until recently, my guitar rested in a padded case propped in front by a backpack of cables and electronics. I’ve plugged my guitar and pedals into the same powerstrip as my laptop under the desk and it always added a layer of frustration to the spontaneous burst of music. Moving things will give my instruments room to breathe, and I’ll have dedicated power for them with my new arrangement.

I’m having a slower time developing this site than I anticipated. I’m excited to populate these pages with photos. I want to embed bandcamp and youtube into the site. I want my contact page to have a textbox that sends to my email. I’d like to move my code for this website and my Pico-8 game into Visual Studio, but I haven’t figured that out yet. This is all a big journey for me, and I’m committed to this site and my other projects.

I was talking to someone recently and realized that I’ve gotten very techy. I never considered myself techy because I lack the technical knowledge of how computers run. But I’ve always been on computers, always played games, and as an adult I care more about my privacy in a world that has given up on it. I’ve been given no choice but to destroy my smartphone and ditch Windows.

Leaving the Smartphone at Home ♦ May 10, 2024

This website is only one part of my journey to reclaim a conscious relationship to technology. This week my screentime on an iphone averaged 4 hours a day, and when I'm depressed, I can be on my phone for 10 hours a day. What do I do on a phone for 10 hours? Mostly share memes and watch video essays. It is not a fulfilling life. Throughout the last year I've tried different methods to minimize the amount of freetime I spent on my phone. I put the phone in grayscale mode, I kept the brightness turned down, I set app timers on Instagram and YouTube, I changed where those apps were on my homescreen. But my relationship to the smartphone never changed. I would always find a reason to go back to color mode, like to see a friend's art or to facetime. I can snooze the app timers for hours and moving the apps only meant there was a new thumb pattern to get to the app. All attempts at deletion or uninstallation were unsuccessful.

So I went looking for a new device. When I talk to people about ditching a smartphone for another device, they often say "So you want a flip-phone?" and no, that would not suit my needs. I need a full qwerty keyboard and a GPS. The sucsessor to the Blackberry is the Unihertz Titan. It runs Android 11 and is a bit too smart for me. I don't want a full-functioning computer in my pocket.

As I was watching content on the dumbphone digital detox, I saw reviews for the lightphone. The most appealing thing about this device was the e-ink display similar to an e-reader. No LCD screen, no web browser. Instead of apps, the lightphone has its own "tools". Calander, alarms, other things; I'm not writing a review right now. But it met my critera for using a qwerty keyboard, and it was recently updated to include a "directions" tool.

So I put my SIM card into the phone and I was ready to take it out. 5 minutes into my walk to the train station I saw someone's trash brimming out of the can on the curb. On the ground were parts of a plastic skeleton; I saw a leg and a skull. My hands immedately reached for my phone to take a photo, but the Light Phone doesn't have a camera, and I didn't have a camera on my person. For a moment I'm disappointed that I can't take a photo to share immedately with my freinds. But then I remeber that digital photos ephemeral, and plastic skulls in the gutter are not. So I picked up the skull and dropped it in my totebag, eager to share the memento mori with my next guest.

With the lightphone, I am choosing to engage with single-use devices, as in devices designed to serve one function. If I wanted to take photos, I'd carry a camera. If I wanted to record audio, I'd carry a field recorder. If I wanted to play games, I'd carry an emulator device. Why carry a totebag or carry a journal and three devices in my jacket? I feel grounded engaging with tactile objects with buttons and inputs. It let's me indulge my senses, decide that it is valuable to deeply listen, and that these moments are worth capturing to transmute to art. Connecting with the world this way gives my sensetivities purpose, even power. Having an iPhone made me a nervous wreck because it's a safe box to hide in while I'm in public. The choice to ditch the smartphone and social media is making me lean into the experience that is existence.